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29 April, 2019


And just like that my baby turned 1. It's true what they say about parenthood the days feel long but the years go quick! I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings on my first year of motherhood, it does go by so fast and I never really have a moment to reflect and take it all in :)

So rewind to last April, I was in hospital for about a week after baby was born and naturally my body was recovering. I remember the first night Hang went home as I stayed over in hospital and I realised I couldn't move to even pick up my bag from the floor. I had stitches, was bleeding heavily and was wearing a catheter from my epidural. I had to learn to take it easy!

I didn't suffer from post natal depression but I definitely felt the panes of loneliness in the first few months and to be honest to this day sometimes. I was never alone but I felt lonely a lot. I would take baby to the park and sit on the bench people watching, feeling like I was juggling everything on my own. I felt I took to motherhood with open arms but I wasn't expecting all the emotions that came with it!

Motherhood for me has been consumed with a whole new kind of love and being selfless (as well as leaving the house in holey leggings and food stains you don't even notice!) It's also the hardest thing, emotionally and physically. Your hormones are over all the place and I often cry from exhaustion, feeling overwhelmed or just generally feeling low or sad about things. Despite the challenges  I absolutely love being a mum and seeing my baby grow and change everyday is so special, and he is such a lovely companion.

I started going back to work when baby was 3-4 month, which seemed so daunting at first and it wasn't easy. Combined with the lack or sleep and a physically demanding job, as well as the not so glam parts such as expressing milk in the bathroom during the wedding reception! I was glad to feel like me again and not just a mum. I definitely feel guilty when I'm working at home and not playing or present with my baby but I try and make up for it with play dates and other activities. Then there are just some days I want to lie on the sofa, eat peanut M&Ms and watch YouTube!

Around 8 months I could tell he was craving social interaction and so was I. So we started going to baby groups regularly and I didn't realise how much we both needed to be around other parents and babies. He loved being in a new environment and playing with other babies and I liked chatting with other parents. It was comforting to share stories on our little ones.

At around 10 months, I slowly felt like I was getting my body back. When you're breastfeeding you don't feel in control of your body. I also finally got my period back, which is strange at first after not having one for almost 19 months! Other physical changes include dealing with thinning hair post partum, which I talked about in this post

Being a mother has changed me, I'm the same person but feel different. I like who I have become as a mother. I love the bond I have with him and can't wait to see what the next year brings. I know it won't be easy but it's all worth it!

Are you a new parent, how have you found parenthood?

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